Probably Not Coming Back Tee

The One-Way Trip Tee (aka 'Probably Not Coming Back.' Edition)

The pterodactyl took one last look at the situation, spread its wings, and made a decision it had no intention of revisiting. Probably Not Coming Back. is for the clean exit — the quiet departure with no forwarding address and no plans to return. Not storming off, nothing so dramatic. Just gone, calmly and permanently, while everyone else assumes you'll be back any minute. You won't.

Why It's Worth Owning:

• Soft ring-spun cotton = comfort for wherever you're disappearing to
• Tear-away label = one less thing to leave behind, because you're leaving everything behind
• No side seams = a clean break, much like the one you're making
• Ribbed collar that holds its shape long after you've stopped holding plans
• Durable white-on-dark print — the last clear look anyone gets of you

How to Keep It Alive:

• Machine wash cold — minimal involvement, in keeping with your exit strategy
• Tumble dry low — no rush; you're not going back for it
• Iron low only if you must — though who's left to notice the creases
• Skip the bleach — the departure is already perfectly clean
• Do not dry clean — that implies returning to collect it, and you're not the type