Solar Powered Still Miserable Tee

The Renewable Misery Tee (aka 'Solar Powered. Still Miserable.' Edition)

The Dimetrodon spent its days soaking sunlight through that enormous sail — peak renewable energy, a few hundred million years ahead of schedule. Solar Powered. Still Miserable. is for everyone who recharges completely and feels precisely the same. Full battery, eight hours of sleep, sunshine on tap — and the mood holds at a flat, dependable grey. Not tired. Not broken. Just fully powered and entirely unmoved.

Why It's Worth Owning:

• Soft ring-spun cotton = the warmth your disposition never got around to producing
• Tear-away label = no extra irritation on top of the existing, permanent kind
• No side seams = a smooth surface for radiating sunlight and zero enthusiasm in equal measure
• Ribbed collar that keeps its shape even as your mood holds perfectly flat
• Durable white-on-dark print — bright, unlike the forecast in your head

How to Keep It Alive:

• Machine wash cold — you run on sunlight, not warmth, and feel neither
• Tumble dry low, or line-dry in the sun — your one renewable relationship
• Iron low only if you must — the creases won't bring the mood down any further
• Skip the bleach — the gloom is already perfectly calibrated
• Do not dry clean — far too much effort for something powered by spite and daylight